Happy Birthday, Daddy

Today marks the day of your birthday. February 17, 2009 marked the day you entered your immortal life. I can't believe youre gone. There are so many things I wished I said to you, but I can't. It's over, youre gone. I miss you, although we had a bad relationship. It hurts that I will never be able to repair that broken bond. Gosh, I remember being a little girl running in your arms in your all white Navy uniform when you returned from overseas. Daddy, you was my everything. Standing 6'4, you would pick me up and I would feel like I was on top of the world.

When you died, I didn't have much remorse, but now, it's so different. It actually hit me, you will never return. So many things I wonder, like why didn't you call me daddy? Why couldn't you wait for a little bit longer until I got to the hospital? Why didn't we never talk about our problems? Did I remind you so much of you or was it that I was so much like mom? Why couldn't I forgive you earlier?

I regret holding grudges, and being so closed minded about men. Since you've been gone, I'm doing better. I'm growing and learning about me. I'm learning to let go, love and live life. Although you never taught me how to drive, told me about guys being no good, you did teach me how precious and valuable life is. You taught me to let go and just be. Our relationship may not have been great, but I will always cherish the good times I had with you. I love you, daddy. Always had, always will.

The Backlash

My analysis of Susan Faludi's well writted book, The Backlash

About three years ago, my mentor and feminist friend, Dr. Susan Barber, introduced me to Susan Faludi's book "The Backlash." Faludi discusses the downfalls as women began to progress during the three waves of feminism. One thing Faludi argues is the adversarial images of women in the 80s. During the second wave of feminism, pro-choice and other equal rights were granted to women. Violence against women organizations began to surface, these programs include domestic violence shelters, advocacy NGOs and laws were being modified and implemented. Women were starting to attend college at significantly high rates, and entering male dominated work places.

As women were no longer covert, and were being empowered, the images of women began to unfold. In the 80's, negative imagery of women began to manifest throughout the media. From the many high fashion magazine ads to women being subservient in music videos and lyrics. There were models who were slimming down at an alarming rate. In fact, scholars note that eating disorders among women were big at this time. The image of women being thin, frail, innocent, and "pure"like figures manifested in our pop culture. It's amazing how Faludi eloquently describes the events that lead to the backlash.

As I talked to my lady friends, I noticed that many of us struggle with looking like the airbrushed models and celebrities we see today. Although I believed I had high self-esteem, I hated many parts of my body. When I was younger, I even had an eating disorder. What many friends saw, I did not see. Now that I engaged in women's studies, I, too, feel empowered.So many people ask me "how did you become a feminist? Why would you want to engage in this field, there's no money to be made here." My response is it was natural to become a feminist; to be aware of the gender and racial biases was innate for me. Without it, I don't know what my interests would be. So many women and children struggle with self love, and finding their inner beauty. I hope that my love to love others and admiration to be me, will help strengthen broken families, especially young people. I may not know where I am heading career wise, but I'm now learning what path I am supposed to take : )

Here's to change

A dear friend sent me this quote...

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Jalal ad-Din RumiWrite

I've recently lost special beings in my life. I never really thought about what I did wrong or how I could have prevented making the same mistakes. Until a few weeks ago did I realize these losses were challenges for me to create happy, long lasting and healthy relationships. Jalal ad-Din Rumi inspired me to look at my failed friendships and past relationships. To see where I went wrong, and what were my faults. I carried so much negative baggage that it manifested into my new relationships. Or maybe it was that I attracted negative people because of my baggage. Either way, I didn't give myself time to heal, to accept responsibility and look at what I want. When you go in knowing what you want, you get what you want...

This quote was so inspirational to me that I wanted to share it with you. So many of us never realize our flaws, what we did wrong and because of that, we never heal, and hinder ourselves from growth. I hope this touched you as it did for me. Anywho, here's to new beginnings and changes!!!